THE ADVERTISERER
Some highlights from the satirical “news” series I post on Likedin.
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
Latest suite of brand work sees quality and quantity fight out nil all draw.
Creatives take solace in the fact that though many ideas were rejected, the single produced idea should have been as well…
Retail brand entertains public in rare misstep.
“We’re doing our best to rectify the situation,” said the brand CEO, after the engaging spot left the company red-faced…
Barely competent freelancer puts entire creative department on notice.
The art director diligently plying his trade without complaint or intoxication has been immediately identified as a threat…
Creative recounts “rough week” to hospital employee spouse.
“That sounds awful,” she replied sincerely, while rinsing blood and shit out of her hair…
“We’re all feeling it” says CEO, as recent client losses delay construction of infinity pool.
“Maybe next year,” he told the kids, preparing them for another dismal summer in the finite pool…
Client stares out high-rise window, monologuing like cinematic villain.
“Look at them all, scurrying about like rats in a labyrinth, no idea of the fate that will befall them,” he uttered theatrically before approving the revised banners…
“We definitely need some women in the meeting,” says male who only hires males.
The news of an all-female client team has left the creative director frantically searching for at least one of his own…
Brief with no opportunities labelled “opportunity”.
“There’s a sliver of gold in every stone. Not in this case, but generally speaking,” the creative director explained…
Public fails to relate to “relatable” advertising campaign.
“Are we really so out of touch?” asked the surprised CEO, shovelling handfuls of imported squid into the waiting jaws of his domestic porpoise…
Advertising industry pulls collective muscle patting self on back.
A stifled groan could be heard from the French Riviera as a lean financial year failed to dampen celebrations...
New head of marketing puts successful brand out to pitch with Joffrey-like zealousness.
“Let them fight,” the new boy wonder has proclaimed, despite the incumbent agency's long track record of successful campaigns…
Promoted Executive Creative Director fails new title on three counts.
Staff are pining for the yawning leadership chasm they once resented so vocally…
Least stressed staff members de-stress at company-funded yoga.
It’s been found that employees with enough time to join the weekly sessions are more relaxed than those that are being completely fucked…
Client with no training happy to coach sound engineer on mixing techniques.
“Don’t worry this isn’t my first radio!” he joked before ruining the ad…
Fun new “Redund-Ant” character not making latest layoffs any easier to swallow.
“And that’s how you go from a Worker Ant to a Worker Ain’t” the costumed mascot explained to a chorus of boos…
Idiot public fails to appreciate social copy.
Copywriter decides to just write a bunch of random ham crepe dylan yelp review…
Agency enthused about opportunity to pitch on existing client.
“It’s just a really exciting challenge to branch out in the same direction. We’re really relishing the opportunity to show what we already do,” the MD claimed while gripping her desk…
“We’re not an agency, we’re a family”, claims CEO who abandoned his own.
Staff privately fear the day he goes out for milk clients and never comes back…
“Shit suit idea” not quite as shit as expected, but still quite shit.
“It was definitely shit, but not shit shit. You know what I mean?”…
Immovable deadline revealed to be client’s European holiday.
“The fact is I’m committed to these out-of-home placements,” she said; referring to either purchased media or her spot by the pool…